I don’t do critique partners. I will, on occasion, seek feedback from a trusted friend on a specific element in a manuscript, but for the most part, I trust that part of me that seems to be able to view several perspectives at once. I forged ahead with the attitude in writing DONUTS FOR EVERYBODY. I mean, come on… how bad could it get?
Well, let me tell you.
On completing the book, I sent it to a writer I admire and respect with the request to use a compliment they once paid me as a blurb on the back cover of the book. This person (who could it be, I wonder?), kindly agreed on the condition that they could first review the book in its entirety. I sent the PDF to this person knowing that there was only one area of concern. It’s a single line almost smackdab in the middle of the book. I knew it could be viewed as problematic, but, as I said above, I had considered the line from several perspectives and was willing to stand by it.
Guess what. I hadn’t looked at it from every angle. There were two I missed as I discovered in the Author-In-Question’s reply to me. Most notably, the book, for them, was something that could be shared with kids. I had been viewing the book for an adult audience, a coffee table book for kidlit people and other fans of children’s book illustration. This book raised, for the AIQ, a concern that I was cutting kids out of the picture.
This feedback was returned in the kindest, smartest, most thoughtfully deliberate way. The line wasn’t a dealbreaker, but they wanted some time to sit with it and the issues it raised. Not wanting this person to spend more time than necessary on this favor they were doing for me, I wondered if I should just change it. I balked initially so I quickly interrogated myself to ask why I was so attached to this line.
It’s clever, sure, and works on many levels but I had never actually tried a replacement. Could I think of something better? My mind suddenly went to that scene in Steve Martin’s ROXANNE where Steve Martin (playing the role of a modern Cyrano de Bergerac) gets called “big nose” by the town bully. Steve Martin turns the table on the bully by pointing out how basic that insult is and coming up with 20-something better variations.
I sat down and tried to come up with 20-something replies a donut might give to an interviewer in response to the question “Any final words for our audience?” Here they are, presented (as Steve Martin did) by theme:
TWO DOZEN DONUT ONE LINERS
by Jerrold Connors
OBVIOUS:
This hole thing has been a pleasure.
METEOROLOGICAL:
Let a donut be your umbrella on a dark and cloudy day.
CHIC:
If you’re not into desserts, we donuts make fashionable headwear. Try a Beret Beignet.
PERSONAL:
Embrace an eclair, cuddle up with a cruller, lay down with a long john. You won’t be sorry.
PUNCTUAL:
There’s never a bad time for a donut. Enjoy!
CIRCULAR:
My secret for success: timing is everything, always be around.
NAUGHTY:
If you’ll excuse me, I have a date with a hot cup of coffee.
NAUGHTY 2:
Eat me.
PHILOSOPHICAL:
Like a circle with no beginning or end, donuts are forever.
PUNNY:
I’m feeling a bit glazed, I donut know what else to say.
#RELATABLE:
My biography The Hole Truth comes out this fall. I’d appreciate a Goodreads review.
CUTE:
As we say on the shelf, see ya ‘round!
MELODIC:
To paraphrase James Brown, “I taste good! You know that I would now!”
SYMPATHETIC:
I wish everyone could know the simple pleasure of being a donut. Maybe dip your buns in sugar for a taste.
COMPLEMENTARY:
What more perfect shape is there than the circle? Not to blow my own horn, but we’re perfect.
SCIENTIFIC:
Did you hear astronomers have discovered a donut shaped planet? It’s only a matter of time before we go galactic.
ZEN:
Find your center and stay true to yourself.
FRENCH:
As the French would say, “Vive la Donut!”
RELIGIOUS:
Don’t forget to give thanks to the lard next time you enjoy a donut.
LEGENDARY:
To paraphrase Louis Armstrong, “There’s two types of donuts, good and better.”
AROMATIC:
People talk a lot about the smell of success. I don’t know what that smells like but I know the smell of happiness. It’s me!
CONTEMPORARY:
This was more fun than my appearance on Hot Ones. My hole is still burning!
HISTORICAL:
Ich bin ein Berliner!
PARANOID:
Can you please stop looking at me like that? You’re making me nervous.
Maybe it was a type of penance for not exercising my creative chops, maybe it was a bit of grandstanding, maybe it was need to prove to myself that if I was going to keep the line, I did do my due diligence, but whatever motivated me to brainstorm these lines ultimately helped decide to replace “All cops are bastards”. I immediately emailed the Author-In-Question and ran my favorite lines past them. We agreed on a replacement and the rest is history.
What line did we ultimately pick? You’ll have to get the book to find out!
My two favorite are Paranoid and religious but I’m guessing that you might have gone with a “round” pun, so I think you chose either went Circular or Cute.
I don’t want to ride the same train as Stephanie but my two favs are Religious and #Relatable, I’ll go with Cute and Obvious.
In considering the kid’s book perspective, the ZEN one works perfectly.
I also think kids would get a kick out of the PARANOID statement. It invites them in, and most kids ogle the donuts with nefarious intent.
And although I love the rhythm of the METEOROLOGICAL line, I don’t think the book should encourage eating to improve one’s mood.
Looking forward to finding out what you landed on.
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This is a wonderful lesson on receiving feedback, and on rising to the creative challenge of revision!